والدینی که از هم جدا می‌شوند چطور باید با فرزند خود رفتار کنند؟
یاد بگیرید تا درست رفتار کنید!
طلاق که اتفاق می‌افتد چند جنبه دارد و می‌تواند آسیب‌های گوناگونی را در ابعاد مختلف به خانواده، زن، مرد و فرزندان وارد کند. در این بین فرزندان یک خانواده، بیشترین آسیب را طی طلاق متحمل می‌شوند، به طوری که گاهی در دوره‌ای از زندگی خود دچار بحران می‌شوند و گاهی هم میزان این بحران‌های پیش رو آنچنان افزایش می‌یابد که فرد نمی‌تواند آن را حل کرده و درنتیجه با مشکلات زیادی روبه‌رو می‌شود.
به گزارش روزنامه «صبح امروز» در طی طلاق فرزندان پناهگاه اصلی خود را از دست می‌دهند و به‌نوعی حالتی از بی‌خانمانی برایشان رقم زده می‌شود. در این بین فرد به ناگاه با محیطی جدید روبه‌رو می‌شود گاهی محیط جدید همراه با افراد جدید چون ناپدری یا نامادری است؛ بنابراین فرد به نوعی با بحران روبه‌رو می‌شود. اگر چه که طلاق امری مذموم و آخرین راه حل زوجین برای رهایی از مشکلات زناشویی است، اما گاهی نیاز است تا آموزش‌های لازم برای بعد از طلاق به افراد به ویژه فرزندان یک خانواده ارائه شود تا بتوانند خود را در موقعیت جدید وفق دهند و میزان آسیب‌های وارده را به حداقل برسانند.
درواقع فرزندان طلاق مستعد آسیب‌های روانشناختی مانند گوشه‌گیری، اضطراب، افسردگی، مشکلات اجتماعی، مشکلات مربوط به توجه و افکار و رفتارهای خشونت‌آمیز هستند. آن‌ها سطوح پایین‌تر خودکارآمدی، عزت نفس و حمایت اجتماعی را دارند، همچنین در زمان مواجهه با مشکلات از راهبردهای حل مسئله نامناسبی استفاده می‌کنند.
نکته اینجاست که فرزندان در سنین پایین‌تر نسبت به نوجوانان سخت‌تر می‌توانند با طلاق کنار آیند؛ چراکه می‌دانند اتفاقی برای والدین افتاده است، اما قدرت کافی برای درک و کنترل این مسئله را ندارند. به همین دلیل توانایی حل مسأله و آموزش راهکارهایی که از طریق آن فرزندان طلاق بتوانند با این وضعیت کنار آیند بسیار اهمیت دارد، اما چه راهکارهایی در این زمینه می‌تواند راهگشا باشد؟
نخستین عاملی که باید در این زمینه به آن توجه داشت از بین بردن برچسب زدن به کودک است. درواقع باید زیرساخت‌های فرهنگی لازم در یک جامعه فراهم شود تا از این طریق فرزند طلاق بودن یک عیب محسوب نشود و کودک فشار زیادی به دلیل فرزند طلاق بودن متحمل نشود. حضور کودک در مدرسه امتیازی برای او محسوب می‌شود؛ چراکه از طریق مشاور و آموزش‌های لازمی که مدرسه می‌تواند برای این کودکان در نظر بگیرد تا حدودی از فشارهایی که متحمل می‌شود، بکاهد و ترس او از برچسب خوردن نیز تا حدودی رفع شود.
اما آنچه که بسیار اهمیت دارد اقداماتی است که باید والدین پیش از اعلام تصمیم جدایی خود به فرزندان انجام دهند: اولین نکته انتخاب لحظه‌ای مناسب برای اعلام این خبر به کودکان است و دادن زمان کافی به آن‌ها تا کودکان بتوانند زمان لازم برای نشان دادن واکنش به این موضوع داشته باشند. همچنین فرصت کافی برای مطرح کردن سؤالات موجود در ذهنشان داشته باشند و به این پرسش‌ها پاسخ درستی داده شود.
نکته مهم دیگر این است که به کودکان تفهیم شود که هیچ نقشی در جدایی والدین خود نداشته‌اند و والدین آن‌ها در هر زمانی آن‌ها را دوست خواهند داشت، اما نکته مهم دیگری که در این زمینه باید مورد توجه والدین پس از جدایی باشد پرهیز از بدگویی از همسر سابق خود در حضور کودک است. متأسفانه هنوز این موضوع در میان زوجینی که از هم جدا می‌شوند، جا نیفتاده است. درواقع زوجین باید بیاموزند زمانی که طلاق را به عنوان آخرین راه حل زندگی خود انتخاب کرده‌اند پس از نفرت، بدگویی، دروغ‌پراکنی نسبت به همسر سابق خود و … بپرهیزند. این کار نه تنها آرامش آن‌ها را پس از طلاق فراهم می‌کند، بلکه از وارد شدن فشار روانی بر کودک جلوگیری خواهد کرد.
باید بدانیم که کودک پس از طلاق هم، به پدر و مادر خود وابسته است پس مطمئنا با بدگویی‌هایی که می‌شنود تنها عصبی و غمگین می‌گردد. درواقع برخی زوجین با این کار تلاش می‌کنند، کودک را به کناره‌گیری از والد دیگر و عدم اعتماد به او سوق دهند. باید توجه داشت که کودکان در هر سنی لازم است، فرصت‌هایی برای صرف وقت با هر یک از اولیای خود و تماس‌های تلفنی مرتب، به منظور حفظ رابطه با والدی که دور از آن‌ها زندگی می‌کند، داشته باشند. همچنین در صورت ازدواج مجدد والدی که حضانت کودک را بر عهده دارد، لازم است کودک از صمیمیت و نزدیکی فیزیکی و عاطفی با هر یک از پدر و مادر خود، جدا از همسر جدیدش بهره‌مند شود.
یکی از اقدامات مناسبی که والدین باید پس از طلاق به آن توجه داشته باشند استفاده از نظرات یک مشاور متخصص در زمینه برخورد مناسب با فرزندشان است. پدر یا مادر باید هر کدام به درستی بیاموزند که در مقابل فرزنداشان صبر کافی و رفتاری سنجیده داشته باشند. بسیاری از والدین پس از جدایی خود دچار مشکلات روحی و روانی می‌شوند؛ درنتیجه مراجعه به مشاور می‌تواند تا حدود زیادی آن‌ها برای زندگی پس از طلاق آماده کند.
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