چگونه زنان موفق میشوند؟
مشاور خانواده و زوج درمانگر معتقد است وقتی به مردان، مهارت ارتباطگیری سالم با زنان آموخته شود، زنان موفق و شکوفا میشوند.
کمتر کسی وجود دارد که با دیدن مردی موفق این ضربالمثل که «پشت هر مرد موفق یک زن موفق وجود دارد» را به زبان نیاورد، زنی که خانه و کاشانه را گرم و تمیز نگه میدارد تا همسر بدون کمترین نگرانی به کار و شکوفایی برسد. زنی ایستاده در غبار که در ساماندهی امور، برقراری نظم و ترتیب، امنیت و آرامش تبحر خاصی دارند اما سقف توقع و انتظاراتش چندان بالا نیست یعنی یاد نگرفته یا فرصت نکرده به خود بیاندیشد یا بسترهای شکوفایی برای وی فراهم نشده است.
به عبارت دیگر قسمت عمدهای از مشکلات که زنان با آن مواجه هستند مربوط به امور بین فردی و قسمتی از آن نیز مربوط به امور فردی و شخصی آنان است، در حالیکه رشد نیافتن یک زن از نظر رفتاری و شخصیتی آسیبها و پیامدهای نامطلوبی را به همراه خواهد داشت که نه فقط زن بلکه مرد، خانواده و جامعه با عواقب آن مواجه خواهند شد.
به گزارش روزنامه «صبح امروز» به نقل از ایرنا، اینکه یک زن چگونه و در چه بستری به رشد و شکوفایی می رسد، موضوعی است که با «سعید کاوه» مشاور خانواده و زوج درمانگر درباره ویژگیهای یک زن موفق و راهکارهای رسیدن به این امر گفتوگو کردیم.
یکی از موانع موجود برای شکوفایی استعداد زنان، تحت سلطه جنس مخالف بودن است؛ سلطه یعنی این باور که زن باید کلا تحت کنترل باشد و در مورد رشد و شکوفایی استعداد او مرد تصمیم بگیرد
وی در این گفتوگو با تاکید بر اینکه شباهتهای مشترک از جمله داشتن استعداد در زمینههای علمی، هنری، اقتصادی و … میان زنان و مردان خیلی بیشتر از تفاوتهای آنان است، یادآور شد: نکته قابل تمایز، تفاوت در بروز این استعدادها است به این معنا که شکل و شمایل مدیریت یک زن با مدیریت یک مرد متفاوت است، اما در هر صورت اعمال و کارهایی که انجام میدهند مکمل همدیگر است.
چرا عنوان می شود که زنان توانایی کمتری از مردان دارند؟
این روانشناس در پاسخ به این پرسش مبنی بر اینکه چرا عنوان میشود که زنان توانایی کمتری از مردان دارند با بیان اینکه «تواناییهایی در مرد وجود دارد که زن از عهده انجام آن برنمیآید و همچنین بالعکس» افزود: اما این نکته نباید ما را به این اشتباه بیاندازد که در همه موارد زنان کمتر از مردان توانایی دارند. تنها نکتهای که وجود دارد این است که زنان گاه استعدادهای خود را پیدا نمیکنند و در حوزههایی وارد میشوند که یا استعداد ندارند یا ضعیف هستند.
وی تصریح کرد: در حالی که اگر زنان بتوانند استعداد و توانمندی که در درون خود دارند را شناسایی و بارور کنند و در جهت آن مهارت آموزی یا تحصیل انجام دهند، موفق خواهند بود و به شکوفایی میرسند که هم خود و هم جامعه و اطرافیان می توانند از آن بهره مند شوند.
سلطه مردانه؛ عاملی در عدم شکوفایی استعداد زنان
کاوه با اشاره به اینکه اغلب استعدادهای زنان شناسایی نمیشود، درباره چرایی این مشکل خاطرنشان کرد: یکی از این علل برخی موانعی است که پیش روی زنان نهاده شده است. یکی از این موانع، تحت سلطه جنس مخالف بودن است؛ سلطه یعنی این باور که زن باید کلا تحت کنترل باشد و در مورد رشد و شکوفایی استعداد او مرد تصمیم بگیرد.
یکی از مواردی که باعث موفقیت ازدواجها میشود افزایش تشابهات و بکارگیری مهارتها است. تشابهات؛ یعنی مردی که تحصیلات بالا دارد با زنی همسطح خود میتواند کنار بیاید و زن هم همینطور. در واقع وقتی مرد رشد نکند نتیجه آن میشود که جلوی رشد زن را هم می گیرد
این زوج درمانگر، دلیل سلطهگری مرد را اینگونه بیان کرد: وقتی مرد نتواند زن را به درستی درک و در درون او نفوذ کند، سلطهگری اوج میگیرد. در حالی که اگر مرد بتواند با زن درست ارتباط برقرار کند و زندگی به نسبت موفق، عاشقانه و مهرورزانهای را با او داشته باشد همسر و مادری شکوفا و زندگی استواری خواهد داشت. اما وقتی قوه قهریه مرد سایه میاندازد کانون گرم خانوادگی دستخوش تزلزل میشود و احتمال این که زن را از دست بدهد افزایش مییابد، همین امر تولید اضطراب میکند که مرد را وادار به کنترل و زیر دست قرار دادن همسر میکند.
فقدان رابطه سالم؛ عاملی برای ایجاد اضطراب و وسواس در مرد
کاوه با بیان اینکه «برخی زنان هم آگاهیها و آموزشهای لازم برقرار کردن ارتباط درست با یک مرد را ندارند» تصریح کرد: این زنان در مواجهه با ارتباط سلطهآمیز، احساس میکنند باید تابع باشند، در نتیجه هرگز به شکوفایی و موفقیت نمیرسند. شما در هیچ رابطهای که تفاهم دوطرفه و درک متقابل وجود دارد هرگز طلاق یا جدایی نمیبینید. وقتی رابطه سالم انسانی و مهرورزانه بوجود نمیآید مرد احساس اضطراب میکند و برای کاهش این اضطراب، رفتارهای وسواسگونه خود را بروز می دهد و نتیجه این میشود که با شغل، تحصیل، هنر و فعالیتهای مختلف زن مخالفت میکند.
آموزش به مردان برای نوع برخورد صحیح با زنان
وی در پاسخ به این پرسش که چه کنیم تا زنان موفق تری داشته باشیم؟ تشریح کرد: برای اینکه زنان موفقتری داشته باشیم باید روی مردها و پسرها بیشتر کار کنیم؛ یعنی به آنها برخورد و ارتباطگیری صحیح با جنس مخالف را بیاموزیم تا زندگی خوب و موفقیت آمیز و عاشقانه داشته باشد.
وی با تاکید بر اینکه در پناه این شرایط زن بهتر رشد میکند، خاطر نشان کرد: یکی از مواردی که باعث موفقیت ازدواجها میشود افزایش تشابهات و بکارگیری مهارتها است. تشابهات؛ یعنی مردی که تحصیلات بالا دارد با زنی همسطح خود میتواند کنار بیاید و زن هم همینطور. در واقع وقتی مرد رشد نکند نتیجه آن میشود که جلوی رشد زن را هم می گیرد.
کاوه افزود: وقتی زمینه های رشد و شکوفایی فراهم شود به دنبال خود موفقیت به همراه دارد و یکی از نشان های یک کشور موفق، رشد زنان آن کشور است زیرا حتما مردان موفقی وجود دارند که زمینه و بسترهای رشد زنان را فراهم کرده اند.
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