پنج سال خودم را گول زدم!
زن لاغراندام با گام هایی لرزان وارد اتاق شد. نگران بود و قبل از آن که رشته کام را به دست گیرد گفت: آن قدر تحقیر شدهام و آن قدر سرزنشم کردهاند که اعتماد به نفس خودم را از دست دادهام. او که برای حل مشکل خود به کلانتری شهید هاشمی نژاد مراجعه و از آنجا به مرکز مشاوره آرامش پلیس خراسان رضوی معرفی شده بود با صحبتهای مشاور خانواده کمی آرام شد.
زن ۳۴ساله سفره دلش را باز کرد و گفت: شش سال قبل خواستگاری برایم آمد. او پسر یکی از دوستان قدیمی پدرم بود. من در همان جلسه اول از طرز نگاه و حرکات پسر جوان خوشم نیامد. به پدر و مادرم گفتم به هیچ قیمتی حاضر نیستم زن این پسر شوم. آنها هم کوتاه آمدند و گفتند هر چه دخترمان بگوید. اما چند ماه بعد زندگی خواهرم به مشکل خورد؛ از شوهرش طلاق گرفت و به خانه پدرم برگشت . شکست زندگی خواهرم ضربه روحی بسیار بدی به تمام اعضای خانواده ما وارد کرد. پدرم راهش را گم کرده بود. مادرم هم راه می رفت وگریه می کرد. از تمام این حرفها بدتر دغدغه و پشیمانی خواهرم بود. او خودش را نفرین می کرد و میگفت اگر به حرف والدینم گوش می داد و تن به ازدواج با پسری که در مسیر مدرسه دوست شده بودند نمیداد این اتفاق نمیافتاد. در این شرایط خانواده دوست پدرم دوباره به خواستگاریام آمدند. والدینم که خیلی نگران آینده ما بودند اصرار میکردند جواب بله بگویم و ازدواج کنم. من هم به توصیه خواهرم ریش و قیچی را بدون هیچ مشورت و همفکری دست پدر و مادرم دادم. پای سفره عقدی نشستم که بدون انجام تحقیقات پهن شد و من نمیدانستم چه سرنوشت شومی انتظارم را میکشد.
زن جوان آهی کشید و افزود: دوران عقد ما چند ماه طول کشید. چون خواهرم و بچهاش خانه پدرم بودند خانوادهام شرط گذاشتند که هرچه زودتر باید زندگی مشترک خود را آغاز کنیم. شوهرم که از حمایت های بی چون و چرای پدرش برخوردار بود خانهای اجاره کردو ما با برگزاری جشن عروسی به خانه بخت رفتیم. اما چه خانه بختی که سیاه بختی مرا روی دیوارهایش نوشته بودند.
زن جوان افزود: همسرم از همان روزهای اول زندگیمان نسبت به من سرد و بی تفاوت بود. او هر روز بعد از ظهر به بهانه کار در یک شرکت بیرون می رفت و تا دیر وقت بر نمیگشت.
از طرفی برای من هم خط و نشان می کشید و میگفت: دوست ندارد به تنهایی پا از خانه بیرون بگذارم. چون دوستش داشتم و می خواستم زندگی مشترکمان را با چنگ و دندان حفظ کنم حرفی نمیزدم و صدایم در نمیآمد.
زن جوان افزود: تولد بچهمان هم هیچ تغییری در او به وجود نیاورد. مادرم میگفت بچه دار بشوید درست میشود. اما هر روز که میگذشت اوضاع بدتر میشد. شوهرم فقط و فقط میخواست با پول دهان مرا ببندد. عذاب میکشیدم و احساس حقارت میکردم. اما هرموقع خانه پدرم میرفتم مادرم و خواهرم مرا دوره میکردند و میگفتند اگر در جهنم هم باشی باید زندگیات را حفظ کنی و از طرفی قدر این شوهر که بی حساب و کتاب پول در اختیارت میگذارد را بدانی. من پنج سال از بهترین روزهای جوانیام را به پای این مرد بی مسئولیت فنا کردم و در واقع خودم را گول می زدم که اگر از شوهرم محبت نمی بینم حداقل پول به دستم می دهد و زندگی به ظاهر خوشگلی برایم فراهم کرده است.
زن جوان گفت: این اواخر اصلا به من توجهی نمیکرد و وقتی در خانه بود یا با بچهبازی میکرد و یا با گوشی تلفنش ور میرفت. حتی گوشیاش را با خودش به داخل حمام میبرد و ادعا میکرد شاید برای مغازهاش زنگ فوری داشته باشد. این مساله باعث شد حساس بشوم. یک روز که گوشیاش را جا گذاشته بود آن را برداشتم. چون رمز گوشی را نداشتم نمیتوانستم از آن استفاده کنم ناگهان شوهرم آمد. میگفت از نیمه راه برگشته است و گوشیاش را میخواست. گفتم آن را ندیدهام. به گوشی زنگ زد. چون خاموش بود نتوانست آن را پیدا کند. شوهرم سر کار نرفت و تمام خانه را به هم ریخت. انگار جانش را گرفته بودند؛ داشت دق میکرد. به سر کار رفت. مانده بودم با گوشی چکار کنم. دو ساعت بعد دوباره سر وکله ش پیدا شد. خیلی عصبانی بود. دوباره خانه را زیرو روکرد. به سراغ کیف دستیام رفت و گوشی را پیدا کرد. ما سرهمین مساله با هم جرو بحث کردیم و مرا مورد ضرب و شتم قرار داد و بعد هم از خانه بیرونم کرد.
زن جوان گفت: ما مشکل مالی در زندگیمان نداریم اما این خانه و زندگی پشیزی نمی ارزد. شوهرم برایم اعتراف کرده که با خانمی در ارتباط است و بی هیچ خجالتی میگوید همین که هست می خواهی بمان و نمیخواهی برگرد به خانه پدرت و طلاق بگیر. واقعا این حق من نبود، نمیدانم چکار کنم. رفتارهایش توهین آمیز است. بداخلاقی می کند و از نظر عاطفی هم اصلا مرا نمیبیند.
خواهرم دوباره ازدواج کرد و سرو سامان گرفت. اما من به خاطر خانواده بعد از طلاق او تن به چنین ازدواج احمقانهای دادم. مادر شوهرم میگوید پسرش عصبی است و برایش زن گرفتهاند تا شاید آدم شود. قرعه بدبختی به نام من زده شد و فکر میکنم ادامه این زندگی با چنین وضعیتی هیچ ارزش اعتباری ندارد.اگر یک تحقیق قبل از ازدواج انجام داده بودیم چنین مشکلی درست نمیشد.
مهتاب





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